Porky's Five and Ten (Buy and Seltzer)

Director(s): Bob Clampett (credited as “Robert Clampett”)

Summary: While setting sail to the Boola-Boola islands to open a five-and-ten store (a general store where you can get anything you want for five to ten cents. In today’s dollars, would be a $1.15-and-$2.30 store, which isn’t too bad, but it doesn’t roll off the tongue so easily), Porky’s inventory gets stolen by a swordfish and the sea life below use the stock to recreate the glamorous Hollywood life at the time of this short’s release.

This is one of those Bob Clampett Porky cartoons where Porky doesn’t have much of a role in the short and is only there out of contractual obligation, since it would be a few years before Warner Bros would create funnier, more dynamic characters, and they were still underusing Daffy Duck.

The Channel(s): Nickelodeon

Part(s) Edited: In probably one of the network’s more inexplicable edits (though, given that they aired this as a redrawn-colorized version, there are theories that this may not have been a content cut from the network. More on that later), Nickelodeon cut the scene at the end where the black fish that’s been squirting Porky in the face throughout the short gets his comeuppance when Porky sprays him with a bottle of seltzer before setting sail with his boat restocked.

What Grinds My Gears About the Edit: The fact that there’s no concrete reason why a slapstick trope like spraying someone with seltzer water would be cut on a channel where slapstick tropes don’t normally get censored (they only do if it’s too violent or if it shows dangerous behavior with little to no real-world repercussions). Yes, you can probably draw the conclusion that, since the fish was crying after getting sprayed with seltzer, the censors thought Porky was being mean to the fish and cut the scene so as to not encourage that kind of meanness to impressionable viewers. However, the censors back in the 1990s (especially on such a loud and brash channel as Nickelodeon) didn’t really go for cutting stuff like that, so what else could it be?

How ‘bout the obvious “the Korean redrawn-colorized versions of black-and-white Looney Tunes shorts were bad at recreating the frenetic animation, especially on the Bob Clampett shorts, and a lot of scenes were cut for being unusable”? That is the more likely reason, as there is precedent for it, but this isn’t as frenetic as what you get in, say, “The Daffy Doc” (which, as you’ll read later, is practically ruined because of this), so take this reason with a grain of salt.

A third theory (according to most online fans) is that the print used to redraw the short was shown without its ending and the people behind the redrawn assumed that the abrupt ending was the actual ending of the short. This theory is a bit more believable than the second one (and feels like it could be true), but, because there’s no evidence proving or denying it, I can’t outright say nor should anyone believe that that’s the reason why the ending was cut.

Video Comparison: I think how the edited version plays vs. the uncut version speaks for itself, since I actually managed to find an edited copy and not just recreate it based on what the Looney Tunes Fandom Wiki or the old Censored Cartoons Page says:

Availability Uncut: It’s a special feature on the DVD version of the movie Hollywood Hotel, starring, among others, Rosemary Lane, Dick Powell, Hugh Herbert, Louella Parsons, and Ted Healy (who used to have an act called “Ted Healy and His Three Stooges,” which would later become The Three Stooges), which came out in 2008. It’s also a special feature on the 2024 Blu-ray release of The Shining Hour, starring Joan Crawford, Margaret Sullivan, and Robert Young (no relation to me…I don’t think). For those who don’t want to buy a movie just to see a cartoon, first off: shame on you, and second off, this cartoon is available uncut on the Porky Pig 101 DVD (released 2017).

Is/Was It Available on Streaming?: It was available on Boomerang streaming from 2017-2024, as well as HBO Max when it premiered and when it changed its name to Max (spanning 2020 to 2025). It’s now sitting pretty on Tubi as part of the 700-800 WB shorts that crossed over.

Since I already covered an ending this time around, I won’t conclude with a “’Til next time.” What I will conclude with this go-around is a Friday throwback, showing the difference between the redrawn version of “Porky’s Railroad” and the 1992 Nickelodeon computer-colorized version, taken from a YouTube video that has the comparisons side-by-side for viewer convenience.